- A young lady, making her way through life, guided by God's incredible love that just won't let go. I walk, I falter, I float I fall, I fail and yet I rise again For there is something that compels me LOVE It’s so amazing, so divine. I am His His treasure His beloved His jewel His darling!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Culled from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
I could go on and on about this quote, every word of it resonates with me.
I probably should just make the whole quote bold :) for emphasis
Have a beautiful November
Friday, October 7, 2011
Hmm, I feel like I went to bed in July and woke up in October.
It's been a really busy year and different things happening not taking cognizance of my thought or reaction to it.
But live I must have fun while at it I will.
the pressure is mounting
another year end approaches
what would it be this time
would I look back and smile at the achievements
or would I look back and see loads I could have accomplished
but today is all I have, and live it I certainly would.
So it's Friday- I haven't looked forward to the end of a day more.
So much is happening but I hardly have the words to capture it all.
I know I'm rambling a
Steve Jobs is dead but his legacies live on (even in my computer font- grins), might have lived a short life "just" 56 years but the impact would be felt for much longer.
What would yours be?
Ok I better get out now before this rambling goes even further.
Did you actually read all that?
I'm outta here.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Stand tall, even when others around bow in fear
Stand tall, even when the tall ones bend to strange rules
Even when you find yourself standing alone- STAND TALL for what is right.
Y'all have a greal weekend standing tall!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
If only we are perceptive, this would serve as a reminder and a soothing comfort that whatever BIG problem at hand too will be a distant memory soon.
My quick trip down some BIG phases:
As a child in elementary school, the early morning class tests were my greatest challenge, I worried about getting to class late and having to risk the headmaster's strokes of cane, then the risk of not completing the "morning tonic" as he loved to call the early morning quiz and as a result getting less than the required cut off mark which would ultimately lead to some more strokes of the cane.
Then quickly enough those days were over and I was in junior high, those days the greatest challenge initially was out smarting the senior students who had a thing for acting like the demi gods in school, and I sure had a fun time doing that, escaping kidnappers was the most interesting highlight of those days. Then soon enough the untold "agonies" of the boarding house followed and in the midst of that "nightmare' I had to ensure I got good grades in the national junior high exam and like everything else, that too was gone just as quickly as it came.
Next it was senior high heralding an "embarrassing" growth phase that seemed bent on making a fool of me. There were the boys who had been my childhood friends but now suddenly started acting really strange - like I was some alien of some sort and not the same girl with whom they had played catch and who could climb the tree fastest, others sounded rather scary with the new found cracked voices and now they became so self conscious where they used to be carefree. About that time came the flow that had always been the myth of junior high ARGH, that wasn't so much fun. Just as quickly came preparation for the final exams- mehn that looked just about like the end of the world but just when I thought it would never end, it was all gone and the College journey.
There was the projects, term papers, class attendance registers and the numerous assignments that characterized the 4 year blur and then it was all over. So I made it through that too and with a good result, next it was the much anticipated /dreaded NYSC in Nigeria - a worse jungle I am yet to see. The amenities (or lack of it) the dreadful slop called food, the 3 week camp and my 2 food diet for the entire duration. The endless match past, the new friends, the puzzled looks, the age jokes(ask me about that sometime) and the endurance walk (that was fun by the way) and finally camp days were over and the real trip was about to start in the inter lands of Enugu (nothing but the NYSC coulda taken me to the state).
The days spent working in an environment totally far from conventional office ("colleagues" speaking at the top of their voices in a language that makes me wonder if to try to appease both sides to stop the quarrel till I hear the sudden laughter that tells me it's a good thing I hadn't spoken out because they were just having a good time- but how am I to know when I've got no clue what they are saying and their facial expressions and the volume of their voices does nothing to comfort). Anyway that phase too ended just as quickly as it started and it was time to return to the comfort of the familiar.
Next came the job search, the endless applications with no acknowledgments, then the discouragements before the big answer came when I least expected it and there I was 1st of March on my way to my first job and just as I was settling into the role another job offer came but it sounded too good to pass up so there was I on a second job when I wasn't counting on it and a new journey started.
Looking back today, at the whole journey of life, I am assured that even this phase will be gone soon enough so I am determined to make the most of it and not get carried away worrying about the challenges that currently look insurmountable.
Whatever place or phase you are at make the most of it and remember soon all you'll have of it is memories. I know I'll hate to look back at my life and ask what was I thinking getting all worked up and considering what I know now (whenever that is), I'm going to live fully alive and enjoy every phase I'm at because I know it will soon be gone.
So will it really matter in 5 years? What would you see when you look back on today?
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's just something I got somewhere some years back and it's crawled out from my achive every once in a while over the years at points I really need to be reminded. It crawled out again this morning (sigh) and oh how much I need it. I also thought to share it as it might just be what the doctor prescribed for someone other than myself today.
Just for today,
I will live through this day only,
and not set far-reaching goals
nor to try to overcome
all my problems at once.
I know I can do something for 24 hours
that would overwhelm me
if I thought I had to keep it up
for a lifetime.
Just for today,
I will be happy.
Abraham Lincoln said,
"Most folks are about as happy
as they make up their minds to be."
He was right.
I will not dwell on thoughts
that depress me.
I will chase them out of my mind
and replace them
with happy thoughts.
Just for today,
I will adjust myself to what is.
I will face reality.
I will correct those things
that I can correct
and accept those I cannot.
Just for today,
I will improve my mind.
I will not be a mental loafer.
I will force myself to read something
that requires effort,
thought, and concentration.
Just for today,
I will do something positive
to improve my health.
If I'm a smoker,
I'll make an honest effort to quit.
If I'm overweight,
I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening.
And I will force myself to exercise ...
even if it's only walking around the block
or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today,
I will make a conscious effort
to be agreeable.
I will look as good as I can,
speak softly, act courteously,
and not interrupt
when someone else is talking.
Just for today,
I'll try not to improve anybody
We know so much more about nutrition
and how much exercise and sensible living
can extend life and make it more enjoyable ...
so just for today,
I'll take good care of my body
so I can celebrate
many more happy new years.
Just for today,
I will have a program.
I may not follow it exactly,
but I will have it,
thereby saving myself from two pests ...
hurry and indecision.
Just for today,
I will gather the courage
to do what is right
and take the responsibility
for my own actions.
“Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” - Nehemiah 8:10
Just for today I will rest in God and not try to fix anything. Just for today.
Have a great day
Sunday, July 31, 2011
My birthday was so much fun, it was a work free day for me and well worth it. Spent a good deal of time with FL, we had a really beautiful time. My phone kept beeping from dawn to dusk. My family had a surprise planned for me- I was just so humbled by it all.
Looking back through the years, I've come to recognise my FL's hand in my life. He has saved me from so many things, from foolish decisions, to escaping freak accidents that coulda been fatal. And where I made mistakes or found myself in situations beyond my control, He's helped me not to be shaped my those mistakes/ situations, rather I've been able to learn from it and grow.
This year has been exceptionally good! Living intentionally is so much fun :) I sometimes forget and fall into my old self but He reminds me and I pick up again.
I've done some things that in the past I woulda been too worried about failing to even try but like a big brother told me " whatever is worth doing is worth failing at" the success is in making the move not in the final outcome. In that spirit, I planned a surpise bridalshower for a friend and though not all I expected turned up, but for those around, we had so much fun! The surprise on her face made it all worth it! A big thank you to a big sister that helped make it happen.
That brings me to another lesson I've learnt this year, when in doubt ask questions, the worst answer you can get is a negative one but you'll never know if you don't ask.
I still hide from somethings but I'm learning to challenge myesle more.
I'm not good enough, I'll never be but He loves me just the same (that's a post for another day)
Have a lovely new month! August is here!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Woke up this morning just so happy. I sang all the way to the office, I think it affected my dressing too this morning, I look really good- extra dolled up today ;)even if I am the one saying so. I am just glad to be alive, loving God and life!
Maybe the fact that my birthday is just around the corner (literarily- the coner being a day)has to do with it. Not like I have anything planned for the day just yet. Ideas anybody???
Anyway, hope you are having a great day too?
Ok gotta run now
I hope to be back in a bit
Hmm I want a new BB for my birthday is that too much to ask? Asking for a 'BB torch-9800 ' isn't "oliver twist" now is it?
I mean my birthday is just once a year, a Marc Jacob (any of the Daisy(s)will do) wont me a bad one in the mix too (just so partial to that fragrance I wonder why)
Ok, I know I am just rambling, but you can't grudge a girl for just being happy.
All my ducks don’t not line in a row
my list of to do's might not be all checked
my dreams need not all be fulfilled
but I am content in knowing I am loved by Love himself
I am always in safe hands
Do you still wonder why I am smiling all day long?
When I go to sleep, it’s in his everlasting arms as sleep laying on his chest
when I wake, it's to his kiss
when I go out, he is constantly with me, meeting my needs even before I think to ask
I might not have all you think I need
I am contented
Hmm that was impromptu
I should be excited everyday (and have a BB -winks) then I'll update daily
Lots of love
Sunday, June 26, 2011
So you tell me who do you think will get tired, the fellow in the first picture or the one in the second picture.
I remember back in high school days, there was this punishment involving the invisible chair. You are expected to sit on a pretend chair and it is assumed to be a chair with arm rest and all do your hand is stretched in front of you in this seat and your only support is the wall you lean your back on, so your thigh is parallel to the floor and your arms also. I can't remember anyone able to survive this punishment for 30 minutes without breaking into a sweat or sometimes tears. Luckily I never had the honor of being in that seat. The first 5minutes often feels like this is really nothing but as the clock ticks, the arms feels heavier, the back hurts, the legs sometime buckle under the sheer weight of the body because it wasn't created to stay like that, we are subject to the law of gravity so hanging in the air just won't work.
What strikes me however is how often that sit is exactly the one I willingly chose to seat very often. I'll tell you how in a minute.
So I've got grand plans of just how I intend to run my life and I've got all the facts and figures in place but I forget a major factor that often takes the back burner when things seem to be going great in my life- God.
He is the singular factor that can make everything line up right. If the plans are in line with His plans for me then I just need to do my bit and he certainly will do His. But I take Him out of the picture and try to run the show all on my own. I try to control factors that are totally out of my reach, I try to fix things I have no business even touching, I try to protect what is not within my range to even understand and try to create what I lack raw materials for.
And I wonder why it all failed, fell apart like a pack of cards or the great Humpty Dumpty that could not be put together again.
I say I trust God but I have my plan B ready. What that really says is I don't trust God to take care of things so I've got to create them myself and so I end up in the pretend chair.
The interesting fact though is that while I am in this pretend chair, FL (God) actually has a chair for me all the while. He pulled it out for me to sit but hey I'm the independent woman here, so I've got to prove a point and let Him know I can get my own seat, fix my own dinner, buy anything I want bla bla bla.... And so I pile myself with a load of things that I cannot take care of living a life that isn't really life.
Why won't I get burnt out?
In trusting God, there's no guarantee you'll get what you want, but there is an absolute guarantee that He'll give you what is best for you.
What I forget (we all sometimes forget ) is I wasn't designed to depend on myself. I was made for God's pleasure so I'm to depend on Him for ALL things. My smile brings a smile on His face. I tire Him with my struggles to fix what He already provided an answer for.
Check this out: ever had a situation where you are taking this little guy out with you and while it is totally adorable that he wants to tie his shoe lace himself you are going to miss the bus and have to wait another hour for the next bus- that's just the way it is when God watches us struggle- you'll get to the destination eventually only latter than He planned since you keep insisting on relying on you and in some cases the trip is canceled all together because you just had to have your way.
So what chair are you sitting in?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
Have a great week!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I love my Dad!!
He often drives me batty
But it's okay, I drove him batty for years too and he let me
Even if you don't read another line of my post PLEASE read this
It's written by a my adopted big brother (I must claim him o, there's so much to learn from him, you could check out his blog too here)
Back to my story about my Dad & I
Many years ago, we would drive round town in the evenings I sometimes sat in my chair which was usually was on the passenger seat right behind him, from there I dictated the destination, I used to be good with roads back then,because I could tell once he deviated from the course (I wonder what happened that I now can’t figure out any road, that’s a story for another day), so to put him in check I would scream and pull his hair – he used to have a big Afro in those days.
So I guess it's only fair now that I am driven to pull my hair sometimes
It is okay because I still love Him.
I always wondered growing up why everybody was fixated on just Mum, there were so many songs for Mummy and hardly any for Dads so I often had to improvise.
the man that paced the night I was born
that had to make a tough decision but though he had not met me, he protected my interest
the man who chose to listen to little me when he could have just ordered and I would have been forced to obey
the man who won't just let me back out of anything just because it is too hard
the man that supported Mum even when everyone thought he was crazy
The man I would pick if I have to choose my father all over again
the most handsome "Daddy the boy" I know
Oh my! this was to be a brief Happy Father's day to all the fathers out there post and I'm here just going off about my Dad (let me tell you a secret.. whispering now I just realized how much I love him is all)
So it's not just for the Dad's (biological fathers) out there, it is also for the men out there, you all have it in you to be someone's father
You are the man
You hold the future
You can shape it
You can mar it
You are the man
You sometimes get hurt
You sometimes cry
You often act like it's nothing at all
I know you are tough
but it's alright to cry sometimes
I know you are strong
but it's okay to admit when you are weak
I know my man
He knows how to be the man without alienating me
He is tough but very tender too
He is strong but lets me see his vulnerability
He leads fearlessly but lovingly too
A real man feels but is not ruled by his feeling
He is strong but does not oppress with his strength
When he is weak, he does not let the weakness define him
He is daring
He is disciplined
He is devoted
He is diligent
He is firm
He is fun
He is focused
He is faithful
He is a father
Lots of love to all the Fathers out there
Friday, June 17, 2011
Here goes one...
So I decided early this year to live intentionally so I took on a few new activities. I have loved singing since I was much younger making song tapes with my sisters for my Mum when she was away. I was in a choir for a while growing up but I never got any cool parts to sing because I wasn't just that good. But I still love singing and hated to admit it, seeing I wasn't so good at it and somehow now that I am grown and all I've got this tiny voice that ends up with me sounding like a little child singing than a big girl :) so I keep my singing to the shower or just with immediate family and believe me they always have a good laugh.
Anyways, I joined a singing group! I wasn't quite sure it was a good idea but I was enjoying my new church so much that I decided I had to join a group. I thought to myself "well if I sound really terrible, they will be nice enough to tell me and then I would join some other group", I just wanted to be part of something larger than me and why not a singing group since I loved to sing. It was a BIG risk for me also for the fact that from my younger years experience of being in the choir, it is always a clique thing and some "I'm holier than thou" type people so I learned to stay clear of anything choir. But this group proved me wrong and I really have grown to love them so much.
I joined early this year and since then, it's been so much fun even the long rehearsals when I'll rather be sleeping, wearing make up and all the dress up sessions (never thought the day will come that I would use the word makeup and fun in the same sentence and guess what I actually own makeup and know how to apply some, wonders right?).
On some rehearsal days, I am just totally exhausted from the stress at work that I wonder if I should just call to make my excuses and not show up, but most times I go anyway and usually it always turns out to be just what the doctor prescribed. I leave the rehearsal feeling like I just had a spa session, all relaxed and ready to take on the world.
Over this few months they have come to become another family to me. The openness with which we relate, the friendships, corrections and general fun times are just lovely.
I still don't think I sing so good but I am just glad to be doing something I love and not letting the fear of not being good enough scare me from venturing to try it.
Now I need to overcome the fear of singing alone :)
Hmm who can guess where I am in that pix? TT not you (winks)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Who is he?
What does that word mean to you?
For some he is that man that comes home late at night and just heads to bed.
For some he is that man that you hear him honk his car horn and everyone is rushing to put the house in order and get a book and seat quickly and act engrossed in the book.
Some just remember that the TV has to go off about an hour before 6pm to ensure the TV is cool to touch when he gets home (you should not be caught watching the TV or any hint that it has been watched that day)
For another set of people he is that guy that gives you money for school, allowances and sorts, the minute you start to talk to him about something he asks “how much do you need?”
I’ll tell you what that word means to me.
He is that man that we (my sisters and I) are patiently waiting for to save us from the world's troubles (My Mum’s rule). He knows we are waiting so as he gets close to the house he honks in that special way we know and so love to hear, but no Mum says we can’t go out just yet, so we wait a little longer by then he is in front of our house and then that sound comes again and MY OH MY, everyone is out of that door in a flash, and Mum too.
We run to him once the car stops, because we cannot leave the front balcony till the car comes to a complete stop(Mum's rule, such tyranny don't you think), he opens the door but does not come down just yet, we jump in and get his suit jacket depending on whose turn it is that day, and put it on all this while the car engine is still running and of course the car AC is on so we fool around a bit searching for coins in the car to go add to the big coin jar (made out of his massive wristwatch case) in the house.
Then finally the car engine is turned off and we make our way to the house, I’m either walking beside him wearing his jacket or carrying his bag or just skipping in beside him with his newspaper in hand and he is carrying my little sister especially on her jacket wearing day (now come to think of it, I think that his to save his poor jacket from being dragged all the way into the house since the jacket dwarfs us all. On days he is back really early and not too tired (not like we believed he was ever tired back then) we sometimes would just all remain in the car and go for a drive round the estate we lived.
On other days he either has some treats bought for us or gives us each a coin to go get snacks from the nearby vendor’s kiosk or Mum insists it is time for dinner so no snacks or the snacks are for the next day.
Once Dad is home, everybody knows we are going to be hanging all around him for the rest of the night, no one wants to go to bed.
When Mum isn’t around, he get’s back home and we have a dinner together in the same plate, oh what a sight we must have been all four of us eating from one plate, that way Dad ensures his 3 princesses eat that night because eating with Dad was such a treat, I wonder how much he really got to eat considering that he is always busy cutting meats in small bits and plantains and making sure there is no bone in the fish while we all ate. He claims he enjoys it even on days Mum is around and doesn’t want us disturbing her husband :)
Sometimes he would carry us piggy back or sometimes lie down on the floor and ask for a back rub/scratch, then we would ask the standard question which was "should we rub/scratch till his back gets bruised?"
Days of innocence, which reminds me of the time he and my Mum traveled and had an car accident, my baby sister was just a few months old and my immediate younger sister was about 2 and I 4 getting to the hospital to see our parents was really a scary experience, but seeing Dad’s right arm in a cast all my sister could ask was “how will you eat “amala” now?” That still cracks everyone up till date.
When I think of it really he was for me that guy that knew everything in the world and could never go wrong. He was the richest guy in the world (yes in my world) everything in the house as far as my sister and I were concerned was bought by Dad, My sister often told my Mum when she broke yet another plate while forcefully helping to clear the dishes after a meal “don’t worry Dad will buy another one”
My Dad is a great guy, I know now he is not the richest guy in the world but still he is to me, he doesn’t know everything, but he is still learning. We don’t do piggy backs anymore and I often do not agree with him. I also now know he is human so prone to mistakes as I am and not the biggest person in the world so I keep forgiving him and loving the larger than life image and the standard he created for us, nothing was and is too good for his family, nothing too much to give. He would rather spend all he has taking care of his family than buying a single thing.
These are memories from years ago but still I have them and they would not go away anytime soon. Regardless of whatever happens he will always have my love and admiration, so when I am angry with him, I hope I remember the awesome guy he is and smile remembering he is also human.
Dad, I love you to bits!
Please feel free to share memories of your Dad growing up.
Do I stand and fight?
Or do I turn and run?
After all you live to fight another day
But this has gone on for too long
The dance seems to have no end
One comes ready to tango
The other takes one look and flees for dear life
What will it be today?
Stand and fight
Or flee till another day
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I love my alone time, but I also enjoy chilling with my girls, but hey where are they? My sister is always there, she is sweet, even when she can’t stand me, we are buddies for life. Love you to bits girl even when you drive me crazy.
I’ve got a sweet darling TT, she’s out there in SA running things, she does her best to stay in touch, usually just drops by when I need someone and she’s got just the right words.
I’ve got a friend who I sometimes don’t know if to call friend, she tells her family and friend I’m her twin sister, sweet eh only she just can’t be the one I talk to when I’m down because she’s got the sensitivity of an elephant in the glassware store. She could be a darling when she puts her heart to it, but don’t get caught up because all those your sweet pain you divulge at those vulnerable seconds could hit you in the face in the middle of a crowd you don’t want to share that news with, she would just make a joke about it in the name of asking about it.
I don’t know how someone won’t know that hurts, tell her, explain to her and all but it doesn’t work, I guess we are all just wired differently.
She’s my twin sister alright only she doesn’t even know her way to my house, never been there not once in all the over 7 years we’ve been friends and I know her parent’s house and even her matrimonial home, she says she’ll know my house when I get married some friend eh.
I’ve got the dears that though we might not see for a long time, we chat every week, BB makes us feel just next door to each other, some far out in Canada, others in Nigeria, UK and all. It’s just cool to have such dears, who regardless of the distance stay in touch.
I have a dear friend at the office, she has a knack for driving me batty like none else can, know the things I don’t like but in a sweet way comes taunting, she understands better now so she’s stopped most of those, but can someone please tell her not to ruffle my hair again please don’t she’ll only do it more.
There’s the darling friend that we live together but we only get to see late at night or early in the morning as I’m rushing out for the day and the rest of our hangouts are BB chats and pings.
I’ve got really dear friends only I don’t see them every often. Even my sister that used to be my ever present side kick isn’t so visible these days, I only get to see her weekends and soon it would be just calls, BB chats, pings and all because she’s moving to a different country. It’s interesting and sometimes annoying how it seems most of my girls are virtual peeps.
Where are my friends that live just down the street?
I’m grateful for your friendships, be it once a week or month we see, or we just ping all year long.
You rock girls!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I woke up with a sense of unease, but I could not figure out the cause.
Everything around did not hold the pleasure and excitement they once held. Even reading left me drained at the end and all felt like a wasted effort, music used to be my cure all but not any of my favorites did it this time.
It's one of my mood swings again, I reasoned, I'll get back to my normal self soon enough.
Only this listless feeling dragged through the week, the next and it was a month already and I was still no wiser as to the cause of my dour mood. I changed my routines, made new friends, went out more, did fun things but not one could satisfy my longing.
I had developed a gash in my heart; there was an emptiness that nothing could fill.
One day, I sat wondering what to do with myself; the movie I had intended to watch did not hold any excitement so I just let it play on unattended. Just then I saw my old journal and so I picked it up and flipped through the pages reading some of the entries.
As I read it, I noticed that the now familiar unease didn't plagued this girl did not plague the girl that wrote all the entries, she was excited, light hearted and so full of life.
She had a firm hand on what went on around her and wasn't afraid of anything.
Then it hit me, back then I was in love! His name came up in my ever entry and I claimed he was just a friend all that while and now I've pushed my love away.
I sent him away!
He was always there for me, I didn't know if I loved him or not but it was normal to have him around. He's there once I'm free, he leaves the moment I'm too busy to talk. He sends me messages that kept me laughing all day. There was nothing I wanted that he didn't get me once it was within his capacity and reasonable.
I was cherished, pampered, loved, but what did I do with it all? I pushed him away. I often left him without as much as an "excuse me" when I see my "friends" the same ones that do not stay when I need them. He was in every way perfect for me.
Sang me to sleep on some days, raised a garden of my favorite flowers, got me the novels that fueled my imagination, painted me pictures that just blew my mind, why won't a girl be happy? No mood swing can beat his tender care, he knows just what to say or to do or not do to get me back where I need to be.
And I threw it all away; I got too big for my breaches. I hurt him constantly and he let me. Till the day I told him I didn't want him around anymore, and then he left me. I got what I asked for but could not live with it.
This was why I woke up with the uneasy feeling that had now become “normal”.
How would I get back with him?
Would he forgive me if I said I was sorry?
Why would I want to go to him again?
He would make me grovel won't he? I surely would if I were him and still won't take me back.
Anyway I decided I won't be so cheap as to go begging already, I would wait maybe he would send me a mail or something, a sms may be.
I went to bed that night that thought. I woke up the following am and guess whose name was on my mind, him of course. I decided to call him like he used to call me every morning before I pushed him away.
I would never forget his reaction to my call, my heart broke all over again.
He shouted Darlyn! I have so missed you, you won't understand how much. I have waited for this call, you told me not to call so I hoped you would change your mind and call me.
I've missed you so much, his voice cracked as he said this, I heard the tears in his voice. I was 100% sure I made the right decision to call him that morning.
He asked if he could come over, and of course I agreed. We spent the next few hours catching up. He told me he loved me and I knew it was true.
And so, I found love, found my smile again in my best friend, the one that loves me more than anyone else in the world, my first and forever love- My God
Friday, March 11, 2011
But he had an enemy. He knew this enemy but did not realize how deep the enemy's hatred ran. One day, after years of strategically planning, this enemy pulled off a coup. All Mr Strange's farms were destroyed and all in a rather precise and chronological order and by the end of that day he had not only lost all his years of investment but also his 10 children.
All dead in 1 day and he got the news about all these disasters in quick succession.
What he did when he heard the final disaster of his children's death, what he did was what earned him his tag "strange man" with me- first it looked to me he will rave and scream, cry blame God or say none of it happened like I would have but he shocked me when he worshiped God instead.
To quote his exact words he said "naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord"
Blessed be the name of the Lord? In this situation, I don't think that's the first thing that would come to my mind. Maybe after hours of denying the truth of the news and maybe crying like my life is over, one of the many church teachings will kick in so I would say- God knows why, then I would start asking him to help me understand.
If you've not already guessed, then let me tell you who this strange man is. He is Job (see the account in Job 1)
You may say he is from centuries ago that's why he can still praise God. Well I beg to disagree, I heard the report of another man's life.
He lived in our time, married his high school sweetheart. A few years later, she had cancer and suffered greatly for 14 years and then died. He was devastated, some years later he married again, only unfortunately some years later, she had leukemia suffered for 13 years and died. This man still faithfully served God.
One day on his way home from church, he got lost.
That was when it was discovered that he had had a brain aneurysm so he was forgetting things. Even in this situation, He still praised God, worship music was His comfort, even at that he would forget the words of the song as he sang along, yet he loved. God. Till he died, he worshiped.
Will you still worship when things are not anything you hoped for? When you are dying and the healing power of God you can't find will He still be the God of your life? How much trouble would come your way for you to say. "Ok Lord that's it I'm outta here, you do your own thing but count me out"?
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
That is basic and straightforward right?
But do you really “know” your name? You would stand up when you hear it called out, you would write it when you fill a form but how do you carry that name?
Do you realize that other than the name you are called, your creator, who also is your Father, if you’ve been adopted by Him, has given you another name that if you really know would drive you to stand tall and act differently than you do now?
It's interesting to note how we all know the "named" people around the world, the Trump, Buffett, Gates, Obama, Clinton, Dangote, Fernandez... just to mention a few. These are names that when we hear them, whether or not they are connected to the famed ones we stop to wonder "are they related to "the" big name we even sometimes ask.
When the named person is then around, suddenly everybody greets him/her all striving to be of service of some sort, basically falling over themselves to please this one person, and should you breech protocols and walk up to these people ( a major faux pas by the way), you might get the question- do I know you? With a look that says "don't you know who I am?"
But all of this is because he knows who he is.
Just imagine a Donald Trump not knowing who he is or what he is worth so he comes, cap in hand, to you for $100 loan when the banks would gladly give him $1,000, 000 just by the virtue of his name.
Stay with me for a moment longer, I'm getting to something, if you think it is ridiculous that a Donald Trump ask for a $100 loan, then you don't want to know how the angels and the entire host of heaven are bemused and just dumbfounded by your ignorance.
You, a daughter/son of a King, yet you go begging for crumbs that fall off the table of the servant when it's all yours for the taking. There are things our “named” people won't do just because of their name, yet even I engage in all sorts of foolishness when I forget who I really am.
I am The King's daughter
I stand tall
I am His royal priesthood
I stoop to none other than Him
I have His authority
So I curb my tongue
I walk with me head held high
Because I've got no reason to be ashamed
I am free!
Absolutely free to live in His Love!
I know my name, do you know yours?
If you know it,
Live in it!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
It is not who I am
It is not what I am
It is just a form of identification to distinguish me from another
It does not tell you or my person, passion or prestige
It is not even my own because it was bestowed on me by my parents, so in a way it is theirs
But it stays with me all my life.
So what is it anyway?
My name is a form of identification, but also a sort of affirmation, it’s almost like a word spoken into my life, so if my name is sadness, I should not be blamed for being predisposed to being sad, if I smile all the time, then just maybe my name has something to do with joy.
What if my name is Green, would I then be predisposed to being green with envy or if I’m named Brown, whose fault will it be that my name has no meaning?
Much as a name is important, it is of greater importance to be able to find your identity in more than a name and what you say of yourself is paramount to who you become.
As a man thinks so he is
So, while the name is key, my thinking and understanding of the name is of greater importance.
An heir is no different from a servant as long as he is under aged, although he owns the entire estate (paraphrase of Galatians 4:1)
In the same light, as long as I do not know who I am and do not understand the full import of my name, though I am an heir to greatness, I cannot come into it, I cannot have access to the wealth (Read Galatians 4 esp 1-7 for a full picture of this)
My question now to you is “What is your name?”
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Neither is it expressed in candle lights
It does not just lurk in dark corners or scented rooms
It is rich in patience and appreciative of the things that are good
It is constant not because of my deserving
It radiates through every word and gesture that what's best for me is a big factor
Correcting me is not a thing he shies from because he is seeking to bring out the best in me.
Truth and honesty are his ways not flattery and idle talk
I know a love that I still can't understand
If I devote my entire being to seeking the reason for this love, I still won't find it because it doesn't come to me because of my loving devotion.
Yet He loves me!
Makes me want to burst into a song
I want to dance, twill, scream, jump and laugh all at once that the creator of the heavens sees in me something worthy of love,
That he has called me his own
That he tells me he loves me and shows me too in ways that I'm sometimes still too selfish to share.
I can no longer indulge in foolishness of seeking to earn his love
Rather I bask in the splendor of it all and say
My Lord and my Love, how great thou art!
To the greatest lover of all times
The one that loves me more than anything in the world
I stand in awe of you!
Y'all have a wonderful day
I wish you loads of the truest love
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I don't know
He is too good, just can't be real
No he can't love me
He sits with me when I'm lonely
Inviting me to talk to him
But I can't be bothered
I don't want to talk to him
He can't understand me after all
I'm in pain
He calls me, asking me to tell him where it hurts
"What do you care?" I say to him
When I'm sad
He paints a beautiful picture to cheer me
He sings to me to lighten my heart
But I laugh in jest and walk away
I'm stood up
He comes to offer himself as a substitute
But I don't want him, would rather have the looser that stood me up
Through all these, he hurts
Oh so badly
I see it in his eyes
But I look away
I hear it in his voice
So I shut it out of my head
I wonder why he still offers
After all the disdain I show to all his gestures
I'm lonesome for the one that makes me cry
For the one that hurts me
For the one that hits me
The one that makes me sad
The one that stands me up
Is it too much to ask?
All I'm asking for is love
Please can you tell me where can I find it?
Friday, January 21, 2011
So back to the awards, the rules are as follows:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
2. Tell us 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know that they have won
So 7 things about me
I just found out how much I like to dance and guess what? I'm having a blast (not like I'm the hottest stepper though)
I enjoy reading so much, often not just for the sake of reading but to gather as much information as possible. It so bad that I would read a sign post or anything else for that matter, I almost had an accident once as a result of this :)
Driving is one of my favorite therapies especially when I want to clear my head. I have an especially special time with FL* doing this:) He totally keeps me company and has been blowing my mind with the awesome love He's been showing me;)
I have a thing for speed and I think driving is more than just getting from point A to point B, it really is an art and you would see the beauty when a person that has the knack for it is behind the wheels doing justice to it (like me :D)
I think fashion is anything that looks good on me, what I'm comfortable in and suits the occasion. By the way I still detest high heeled shoes- my theory is, it was invented by a woman hating fiend to make women suffer. Why else don't men have any of those painful "fashion fads"
I have a so vivid imagination that I think even Peter Pan would be envious of. It's kinda what drives me to write, I see the words come alive.
I love smiling, laughing and there are two people that even when I'm angry and close to livid still make me smile till it becomes a bubbling laugh in my stomach.
Ok that's the 7 things about me.
I pass on the honor of the award to
Till my dying day
Making Mrs Mauritz
Before I did
A girl's journey down the aisle
My Life (even if she's been away for too long)
d Unspoken: wRitten
So there you go, you are one of my versatile & stylish folks, yes you, if you are reading this right now, then yes I mean you :)
I'll be back to put up the links. I'm updating from my phone and I'm kinda technically challenged.
*FL - First Love :my code name for God
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I've been hoping to come with a really major post, but I've not been able to get myself to sit long enough to get something really great (read as perfect) out, and I just woke up today and realized it's TWO weeks into the new year already.
It's not for lack of what to share that I've not been hear but rather because there seems to be so much to say but I cannot quite decide where to start or what is best.
The later part of last year saw me starting out on a path I did not quite expect, it's a good development though (cringe) and some really tough decisions/ discoveries were made but in all I see loads of opportunities and potentials in all of it. As the year progresses, some of those discoveries would be shared.
I have so much to be thankful for already this year, things have not exactly been picture perfect but I've been having the time of my life.
I have decided to be more intentional about my life. I've been planning to have a hangout with friends for about 4 years now (crazy innit?) and I realize all I've done all along was just talk about it. Most of my friends are used to me saying by now, "we should hook up sometime soon and do something fun" well it has never happened because this DarLyn has been busy running round life.
Always busy but not quite taking time to enjoy anything.
So chatting with a friend last week, I made my famous close out line again, then caught myself and asked instead if she was free that Saturday, we should go bowling. So we agreed on a suitable date and planned on inviting other friends and I've been calling all the dear people that I've been telling we should hangout to join in the fun, so I am finally making good my words only a couple of years late (batting my eyes lashes with a big grin on).
Enough of my chitchat, I am already having a fun 2011.
Things don't just happen by chance
even when chance events happen, it can only be made good when some sort of plan is built around it
are you going to sit around waiting for something or someone to make the chance event happen?
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm making things happen for me, I am creating my chance events!
Have an INTENTIONAL 2011!