About Me

A young lady, making her way through life, guided by God's incredible love that just won't let go. I walk, I falter, I float I fall, I fail and yet I rise again For there is something that compels me LOVE It’s so amazing, so divine. I am His His treasure His beloved His jewel His darling!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

What chair are you sitting in?

A picture came to mind and it looked really amusing. Actually 2 pictures, one is of a person sitting on a chair, the other is of another person also "sitting on a chair" only there is no chair or rather is chair is make believe, a pretend chair

So you tell me who do you think will get tired, the fellow in the first picture or the one in the second picture.

I remember back in high school days, there was this punishment involving the invisible chair. You are expected to sit on a pretend chair and it is assumed to be a chair with arm rest and all do your hand is stretched in front of you in this seat and your only support is the wall you lean your back on, so your thigh is parallel to the floor and your arms also. I can't remember anyone able to survive this punishment for 30 minutes without breaking into a sweat or sometimes tears. Luckily I never had the honor of being in that seat. The first 5minutes often feels like this is really nothing but as the clock ticks, the arms feels heavier, the back hurts, the legs sometime buckle under the sheer weight of the body because it wasn't created to stay like that, we are subject to the law of gravity so hanging in the air just won't work.

What strikes me however is how often that sit is exactly the one I willingly chose to seat very often. I'll tell you how in a minute.

So I've got grand plans of just how I intend to run my life and I've got all the facts and figures in place but I forget a major factor that often takes the back burner when things seem to be going great in my life- God.

He is the singular factor that can make everything line up right. If the plans are in line with His plans for me then I just need to do my bit and he certainly will do His. But I take Him out of the picture and try to run the show all on my own. I try to control factors that are totally out of my reach, I try to fix things I have no business even touching, I try to protect what is not within my range to even understand and try to create what I lack raw materials for.
And I wonder why it all failed, fell apart like a pack of cards or the great Humpty Dumpty that could not be put together again.

I say I trust God but I have my plan B ready. What that really says is I don't trust God to take care of things so I've got to create them myself and so I end up in the pretend chair.

The interesting fact though is that while I am in this pretend chair, FL (God) actually has a chair for me all the while. He pulled it out for me to sit but hey I'm the independent woman here, so I've got to prove a point and let Him know I can get my own seat, fix my own dinner, buy anything I want bla bla bla.... And so I pile myself with a load of things that I cannot take care of living a life that isn't really life.

Why won't I get burnt out?
In trusting God, there's no guarantee you'll get what you want, but there is an absolute guarantee that He'll give you what is best for you.

What I forget (we all sometimes forget ) is I wasn't designed to depend on myself. I was made for God's pleasure so I'm to depend on Him for ALL things. My smile brings a smile on His face. I tire Him with my struggles to fix what He already provided an answer for.

Check this out: ever had a situation where you are taking this little guy out with you and while it is totally adorable that he wants to tie his shoe lace himself you are going to miss the bus and have to wait another hour for the next bus- that's just the way it is when God watches us struggle- you'll get to the destination eventually only latter than He planned since you keep insisting on relying on you and in some cases the trip is canceled all together because you just had to have your way.

So what chair are you sitting in?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

Have a great week!
HisDarLyn 2011

Sunday, June 19, 2011

It's Father's Day!

Be warned, it's a very random post

I love my Dad!!
He often drives me batty
But it's okay, I drove him batty for years too and he let me

Even if you don't read another line of my post PLEASE read this
It's written by a my adopted big brother (I must claim him o, there's so much to learn from him, you could check out his blog too here)

Back to my story about my Dad & I
Many years ago, we would drive round town in the evenings I sometimes sat in my chair which was usually was on the passenger seat right behind him, from there I dictated the destination, I used to be good with roads back then,because I could tell once he deviated from the course (I wonder what happened that I now can’t figure out any road, that’s a story for another day), so to put him in check I would scream and pull his hair – he used to have a big Afro in those days.

So I guess it's only fair now that I am driven to pull my hair sometimes
It is okay because I still love Him.

I always wondered growing up why everybody was fixated on just Mum, there were so many songs for Mummy and hardly any for Dads so I often had to improvise.

the man that paced the night I was born
that had to make a tough decision but though he had not met me, he protected my interest

the man who chose to listen to little me when he could have just ordered and I would have been forced to obey

the man who won't just let me back out of anything just because it is too hard

the man that supported Mum even when everyone thought he was crazy

The man I would pick if I have to choose my father all over again

the most handsome "Daddy the boy" I know

Oh my! this was to be a brief Happy Father's day to all the fathers out there post and I'm here just going off about my Dad (let me tell you a secret.. whispering now I just realized how much I love him is all)

So it's not just for the Dad's (biological fathers) out there, it is also for the men out there, you all have it in you to be someone's father

You are the man
You hold the future
You can shape it
You can mar it

You are the man
You sometimes get hurt
You sometimes cry
You often act like it's nothing at all

I know you are tough
but it's alright to cry sometimes
I know you are strong
but it's okay to admit when you are weak

I know my man
He knows how to be the man without alienating me
He is tough but very tender too
He is strong but lets me see his vulnerability
He leads fearlessly but lovingly too

A real man feels but is not ruled by his feeling
He is strong but does not oppress with his strength
When he is weak, he does not let the weakness define him

He is daring
He is disciplined
He is devoted
He is diligent

He is firm
He is fun
He is focused
He is faithful

He is a father

Lots of love to all the Fathers out there

Friday, June 17, 2011

It's June and I have been intentional

June has been a vacation month for me, I don't think I have the words to describe how much I needed the vacation, now the vacation is almost all gone (please, please please FL(God) can June start again? I promise I will be good). So many things have just not been as expected this year and it's been a tough task coping with it all, but my darling FL has giving me loads of things to laugh about and learn and also to be excited for too through it all. I'll share those sources of laughter & fun over the next few days.

Here goes one...

So I decided early this year to live intentionally so I took on a few new activities. I have loved singing since I was much younger making song tapes with my sisters for my Mum when she was away. I was in a choir for a while growing up but I never got any cool parts to sing because I wasn't just that good. But I still love singing and hated to admit it, seeing I wasn't so good at it and somehow now that I am grown and all I've got this tiny voice that ends up with me sounding like a little child singing than a big girl :) so I keep my singing to the shower or just with immediate family and believe me they always have a good laugh.

Anyways, I joined a singing group! I wasn't quite sure it was a good idea but I was enjoying my new church so much that I decided I had to join a group. I thought to myself "well if I sound really terrible, they will be nice enough to tell me and then I would join some other group", I just wanted to be part of something larger than me and why not a singing group since I loved to sing. It was a BIG risk for me also for the fact that from my younger years experience of being in the choir, it is always a clique thing and some "I'm holier than thou" type people so I learned to stay clear of anything choir. But this group proved me wrong and I really have grown to love them so much.

I joined early this year and since then, it's been so much fun even the long rehearsals when I'll rather be sleeping, wearing make up and all the dress up sessions (never thought the day will come that I would use the word makeup and fun in the same sentence and guess what I actually own makeup and know how to apply some, wonders right?).

On some rehearsal days, I am just totally exhausted from the stress at work that I wonder if I should just call to make my excuses and not show up, but most times I go anyway and usually it always turns out to be just what the doctor prescribed. I leave the rehearsal feeling like I just had a spa session, all relaxed and ready to take on the world.

Over this few months they have come to become another family to me. The openness with which we relate, the friendships, corrections and general fun times are just lovely.

I still don't think I sing so good but I am just glad to be doing something I love and not letting the fear of not being good enough scare me from venturing to try it.

Now I need to overcome the fear of singing alone :)

Hmm who can guess where I am in that pix? TT not you (winks)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What does the word "DAD" mean to you?

With father's day around the corner, I sat here thinking I should write something for fathers, I have been around some really cool Dad's recently and it's been heart warming watching a dad with with his children.

Who is he?
What does that word mean to you?

For some he is that man that comes home late at night and just heads to bed.

For some he is that man that you hear him honk his car horn and everyone is rushing to put the house in order and get a book and seat quickly and act engrossed in the book.

Some just remember that the TV has to go off about an hour before 6pm to ensure the TV is cool to touch when he gets home (you should not be caught watching the TV or any hint that it has been watched that day)

For another set of people he is that guy that gives you money for school, allowances and sorts, the minute you start to talk to him about something he asks “how much do you need?”

I’ll tell you what that word means to me.

He is that man that we (my sisters and I) are patiently waiting for to save us from the world's troubles (My Mum’s rule). He knows we are waiting so as he gets close to the house he honks in that special way we know and so love to hear, but no Mum says we can’t go out just yet, so we wait a little longer by then he is in front of our house and then that sound comes again and MY OH MY, everyone is out of that door in a flash, and Mum too.

We run to him once the car stops, because we cannot leave the front balcony till the car comes to a complete stop(Mum's rule, such tyranny don't you think), he opens the door but does not come down just yet, we jump in and get his suit jacket depending on whose turn it is that day, and put it on all this while the car engine is still running and of course the car AC is on so we fool around a bit searching for coins in the car to go add to the big coin jar (made out of his massive wristwatch case) in the house.

Then finally the car engine is turned off and we make our way to the house, I’m either walking beside him wearing his jacket or carrying his bag or just skipping in beside him with his newspaper in hand and he is carrying my little sister especially on her jacket wearing day (now come to think of it, I think that his to save his poor jacket from being dragged all the way into the house since the jacket dwarfs us all. On days he is back really early and not too tired (not like we believed he was ever tired back then) we sometimes would just all remain in the car and go for a drive round the estate we lived.

On other days he either has some treats bought for us or gives us each a coin to go get snacks from the nearby vendor’s kiosk or Mum insists it is time for dinner so no snacks or the snacks are for the next day.

Once Dad is home, everybody knows we are going to be hanging all around him for the rest of the night, no one wants to go to bed.

When Mum isn’t around, he get’s back home and we have a dinner together in the same plate, oh what a sight we must have been all four of us eating from one plate, that way Dad ensures his 3 princesses eat that night because eating with Dad was such a treat, I wonder how much he really got to eat considering that he is always busy cutting meats in small bits and plantains and making sure there is no bone in the fish while we all ate. He claims he enjoys it even on days Mum is around and doesn’t want us disturbing her husband :)

Sometimes he would carry us piggy back or sometimes lie down on the floor and ask for a back rub/scratch, then we would ask the standard question which was "should we rub/scratch till his back gets bruised?"

Days of innocence, which reminds me of the time he and my Mum traveled and had an car accident, my baby sister was just a few months old and my immediate younger sister was about 2 and I 4 getting to the hospital to see our parents was really a scary experience, but seeing Dad’s right arm in a cast all my sister could ask was “how will you eat “amala” now?” That still cracks everyone up till date.


When I think of it really he was for me that guy that knew everything in the world and could never go wrong. He was the richest guy in the world (yes in my world) everything in the house as far as my sister and I were concerned was bought by Dad, My sister often told my Mum when she broke yet another plate while forcefully helping to clear the dishes after a meal “don’t worry Dad will buy another one”

My Dad is a great guy, I know now he is not the richest guy in the world but still he is to me, he doesn’t know everything, but he is still learning. We don’t do piggy backs anymore and I often do not agree with him. I also now know he is human so prone to mistakes as I am and not the biggest person in the world so I keep forgiving him and loving the larger than life image and the standard he created for us, nothing was and is too good for his family, nothing too much to give. He would rather spend all he has taking care of his family than buying a single thing.

These are memories from years ago but still I have them and they would not go away anytime soon. Regardless of whatever happens he will always have my love and admiration, so when I am angry with him, I hope I remember the awesome guy he is and smile remembering he is also human.

Dad, I love you to bits!

Please feel free to share memories of your Dad growing up.

Fight or Flight?

Here it comes again
Do I stand and fight?
Or do I turn and run?
After all you live to fight another day
But this has gone on for too long
The dance seems to have no end
One comes ready to tango
The other takes one look and flees for dear life
What will it be today?
Stand and fight
Or flee till another day

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Where are my girls at?

Was just going to Google “where are my friends at” when I caught myself, hey girl, you don’t search for your friends on Google.

I love my alone time, but I also enjoy chilling with my girls, but hey where are they? My sister is always there, she is sweet, even when she can’t stand me, we are buddies for life. Love you to bits girl even when you drive me crazy.

I’ve got a sweet darling TT, she’s out there in SA running things, she does her best to stay in touch, usually just drops by when I need someone and she’s got just the right words.

I’ve got a friend who I sometimes don’t know if to call friend, she tells her family and friend I’m her twin sister, sweet eh only she just can’t be the one I talk to when I’m down because she’s got the sensitivity of an elephant in the glassware store. She could be a darling when she puts her heart to it, but don’t get caught up because all those your sweet pain you divulge at those vulnerable seconds could hit you in the face in the middle of a crowd you don’t want to share that news with, she would just make a joke about it in the name of asking about it.
I don’t know how someone won’t know that hurts, tell her, explain to her and all but it doesn’t work, I guess we are all just wired differently.

She’s my twin sister alright only she doesn’t even know her way to my house, never been there not once in all the over 7 years we’ve been friends and I know her parent’s house and even her matrimonial home, she says she’ll know my house when I get married  some friend eh.

I’ve got the dears that though we might not see for a long time, we chat every week, BB makes us feel just next door to each other, some far out in Canada, others in Nigeria, UK and all. It’s just cool to have such dears, who regardless of the distance stay in touch.

I have a dear friend at the office, she has a knack for driving me batty like none else can, know the things I don’t like but in a sweet way comes taunting, she understands better now so she’s stopped most of those, but can someone please tell her not to ruffle my hair again  please don’t she’ll only do it more.

There’s the darling friend that we live together but we only get to see late at night or early in the morning as I’m rushing out for the day and the rest of our hangouts are BB chats and pings.

I’ve got really dear friends only I don’t see them every often. Even my sister that used to be my ever present side kick isn’t so visible these days, I only get to see her weekends and soon it would be just calls, BB chats, pings and all because she’s moving to a different country. It’s interesting and sometimes annoying how it seems most of my girls are virtual peeps.

Where are my friends that live just down the street?

I’m grateful for your friendships, be it once a week or month we see, or we just ping all year long.

You rock girls!