Finding my lost love

I woke up with a sense of unease, but I could not figure out the cause.
Everything around did not hold the pleasure and excitement they once held. Even reading left me drained at the end and all felt like a wasted effort, music used to be my cure all but not any of my favorites did it this time.

It's one of my mood swings again, I reasoned, I'll get back to my normal self soon enough.

Only this listless feeling dragged through the week, the next and it was a month already and I was still no wiser as to the cause of my dour mood. I changed my routines, made new friends, went out more, did fun things but not one could satisfy my longing.

I had developed a gash in my heart; there was an emptiness that nothing could fill.

One day, I sat wondering what to do with myself; the movie I had intended to watch did not hold any excitement so I just let it play on unattended. Just then I saw my old journal and so I picked it up and flipped through the pages reading some of the entries.

As I read it, I noticed that the now familiar unease didn't plagued this girl did not plague the girl that wrote all the entries, she was excited, light hearted and so full of life.
She had a firm hand on what went on around her and wasn't afraid of anything.

Then it hit me, back then I was in love! His name came up in my ever entry and I claimed he was just a friend all that while and now I've pushed my love away.

I sent him away!

He was always there for me, I didn't know if I loved him or not but it was normal to have him around. He's there once I'm free, he leaves the moment I'm too busy to talk. He sends me messages that kept me laughing all day. There was nothing I wanted that he didn't get me once it was within his capacity and reasonable.

I was cherished, pampered, loved, but what did I do with it all? I pushed him away. I often left him without as much as an "excuse me" when I see my "friends" the same ones that do not stay when I need them. He was in every way perfect for me.

Sang me to sleep on some days, raised a garden of my favorite flowers, got me the novels that fueled my imagination, painted me pictures that just blew my mind, why won't a girl be happy? No mood swing can beat his tender care, he knows just what to say or to do or not do to get me back where I need to be.

And I threw it all away; I got too big for my breaches. I hurt him constantly and he let me. Till the day I told him I didn't want him around anymore, and then he left me. I got what I asked for but could not live with it.
This was why I woke up with the uneasy feeling that had now become “normal”.

How would I get back with him?
Would he forgive me if I said I was sorry?
Why would I want to go to him again?
He would make me grovel won't he? I surely would if I were him and still won't take me back.

Anyway I decided I won't be so cheap as to go begging already, I would wait maybe he would send me a mail or something, a sms may be.

I went to bed that night that thought. I woke up the following am and guess whose name was on my mind, him of course. I decided to call him like he used to call me every morning before I pushed him away.

I would never forget his reaction to my call, my heart broke all over again.

He shouted Darlyn! I have so missed you, you won't understand how much. I have waited for this call, you told me not to call so I hoped you would change your mind and call me.
I've missed you so much, his voice cracked as he said this, I heard the tears in his voice. I was 100% sure I made the right decision to call him that morning.

He asked if he could come over, and of course I agreed. We spent the next few hours catching up. He told me he loved me and I knew it was true.
And so, I found love, found my smile again in my best friend, the one that loves me more than anyone else in the world, my first and forever love- My God

A strange man

I read of a really strange man. He was a very rich man. Favored on all asides. He was a farmer and had everything going for him. He was also happily married and had lots of children actually he had 10- 7 sons 3 daughters. The children were all doing well in school and business.

But he had an enemy. He knew this enemy but did not realize how deep the enemy's hatred ran. One day, after years of strategically planning, this enemy pulled off a coup. All Mr Strange's farms were destroyed and all in a rather precise and chronological order and by the end of that day he had not only lost all his years of investment but also his 10 children.

All dead in 1 day and he got the news about all these disasters in quick succession.

What he did when he heard the final disaster of his children's death, what he did was what earned him his tag "strange man" with me- first it looked to me he will rave and scream, cry blame God or say none of it happened like I would have but he shocked me when he worshiped God instead.

To quote his exact words he said "naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord"

Blessed be the name of the Lord? In this situation, I don't think that's the first thing that would come to my mind. Maybe after hours of denying the truth of the news and maybe crying like my life is over, one of the many church teachings will kick in so I would say- God knows why, then I would start asking him to help me understand.

If you've not already guessed, then let me tell you who this strange man is. He is Job (see the account in Job 1)

You may say he is from centuries ago that's why he can still praise God. Well I beg to disagree, I heard the report of another man's life.

He lived in our time, married his high school sweetheart. A few years later, she had cancer and suffered greatly for 14 years and then died. He was devastated, some years later he married again, only unfortunately some years later, she had leukemia suffered for 13 years and died. This man still faithfully served God.
One day on his way home from church, he got lost.
That was when it was discovered that he had had a brain aneurysm so he was forgetting things. Even in this situation, He still praised God, worship music was His comfort, even at that he would forget the words of the song as he sang along, yet he loved. God. Till he died, he worshiped.

Will you still worship when things are not anything you hoped for? When you are dying and the healing power of God you can't find will He still be the God of your life? How much trouble would come your way for you to say. "Ok Lord that's it I'm outta here, you do your own thing but count me out"?

Have a great weekend!
HisDarLyn 2011

What is your name?

"What is your name?"

That is basic and straightforward right?

But do you really “know” your name? You would stand up when you hear it called out, you would write it when you fill a form but how do you carry that name?
Do you realize that other than the name you are called, your creator, who also is your Father, if you’ve been adopted by Him, has given you another name that if you really know would drive you to stand tall and act differently than you do now?

It's interesting to note how we all know the "named" people around the world, the Trump, Buffett, Gates, Obama, Clinton, Dangote, Fernandez... just to mention a few. These are names that when we hear them, whether or not they are connected to the famed ones we stop to wonder "are they related to "the" big name we even sometimes ask.

When the named person is then around, suddenly everybody greets him/her all striving to be of service of some sort, basically falling over themselves to please this one person, and should you breech protocols and walk up to these people ( a major faux pas by the way), you might get the question- do I know you? With a look that says "don't you know who I am?"
But all of this is because he knows who he is.

Just imagine a Donald Trump not knowing who he is or what he is worth so he comes, cap in hand, to you for $100 loan when the banks would gladly give him $1,000, 000 just by the virtue of his name.

Stay with me for a moment longer, I'm getting to something, if you think it is ridiculous that a Donald Trump ask for a $100 loan, then you don't want to know how the angels and the entire host of heaven are bemused and just dumbfounded by your ignorance.

You, a daughter/son of a King, yet you go begging for crumbs that fall off the table of the servant when it's all yours for the taking. There are things our “named” people won't do just because of their name, yet even I engage in all sorts of foolishness when I forget who I really am.

I am The King's daughter
I stand tall
I am His royal priesthood
I stoop to none other than Him
I have His authority
So I curb my tongue
I walk with me head held high
Because I've got no reason to be ashamed
I am free!
Absolutely free to live in His Love!

I know my name, do you know yours?
If you know it,
Live in it!

What is in a name?

My name
It is not who I am
It is not what I am
It is just a form of identification to distinguish me from another
It does not tell you or my person, passion or prestige
It is not even my own because it was bestowed on me by my parents, so in a way it is theirs
But it stays with me all my life.

So what is it anyway?
My name is a form of identification, but also a sort of affirmation, it’s almost like a word spoken into my life, so if my name is sadness, I should not be blamed for being predisposed to being sad, if I smile all the time, then just maybe my name has something to do with joy.
What if my name is Green, would I then be predisposed to being green with envy or if I’m named Brown, whose fault will it be that my name has no meaning?
Much as a name is important, it is of greater importance to be able to find your identity in more than a name and what you say of yourself is paramount to who you become.
As a man thinks so he is

So, while the name is key, my thinking and understanding of the name is of greater importance.

An heir is no different from a servant as long as he is under aged, although he owns the entire estate (paraphrase of Galatians 4:1)

In the same light, as long as I do not know who I am and do not understand the full import of my name, though I am an heir to greatness, I cannot come into it, I cannot have access to the wealth (Read Galatians 4 esp 1-7 for a full picture of this)

My question now to you is “What is your name?”

The love I found

The love I seek is not heralded by chocolates
Neither is it expressed in candle lights
It does not just lurk in dark corners or scented rooms

It is rich in patience and appreciative of the things that are good
It is constant not because of my deserving
It radiates through every word and gesture that what's best for me is a big factor

Correcting me is not a thing he shies from because he is seeking to bring out the best in me.

Truth and honesty are his ways not flattery and idle talk

I know a love that I still can't understand
If I devote my entire being to seeking the reason for this love, I still won't find it because it doesn't come to me because of my loving devotion.
Yet He loves me!

Makes me want to burst into a song
I want to dance, twill, scream, jump and laugh all at once that the creator of the heavens sees in me something worthy of love,
That he has called me his own
That he tells me he loves me and shows me too in ways that I'm sometimes still too selfish to share.

I can no longer indulge in foolishness of seeking to earn his love
Rather I bask in the splendor of it all and say
My Lord and my Love, how great thou art!

To the greatest lover of all times
The one that loves me more than anything in the world
I stand in awe of you!

Y'all have a wonderful day
I wish you loads of the truest love


HisDarLyn 2011

All I'm asking for is love

I think he loves me
Why?
I don't know
He is too good, just can't be real
No he can't love me

He sits with me when I'm lonely
Inviting me to talk to him
But I can't be bothered
I don't want to talk to him
He can't understand me after all

I'm in pain
He calls me, asking me to tell him where it hurts
"What do you care?" I say to him

When I'm sad
He paints a beautiful picture to cheer me
He sings to me to lighten my heart
But I laugh in jest and walk away

I'm stood up
He comes to offer himself as a substitute
But I don't want him, would rather have the looser that stood me up

Through all these, he hurts
Oh so badly
I see it in his eyes
But I look away
I hear it in his voice
So I shut it out of my head
I wonder why he still offers
After all the disdain I show to all his gestures

I'm lonesome for the one that makes me cry
For the one that hurts me
For the one that hits me
The one that makes me sad
The one that stands me up

Is it too much to ask?
All I'm asking for is love
Please can you tell me where can I find it?
HisDarLyn 2011

Versatile & Stylish Blogger

A big thanks to Myne Whitman for the versatile and stylish blogger award. I am really flattered.
So back to the awards, the rules are as follows:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
2. Tell us 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know that they have won
So 7 things about me
I just found out how much I like to dance and guess what? I'm having a blast (not like I'm the hottest stepper though)
I enjoy reading so much, often not just for the sake of reading but to gather as much information as possible. It so bad that I would read a sign post or anything else for that matter, I almost had an accident once as a result of this :)
Driving is one of my favorite therapies especially when I want to clear my head. I have an especially special time with FL* doing this:) He totally keeps me company and has been blowing my mind with the awesome love He's been showing me;)
I have a thing for speed and I think driving is more than just getting from point A to point B, it really is an art and you would see the beauty when a person that has the knack for it is behind the wheels doing justice to it (like me :D)
I think fashion is anything that looks good on me, what I'm comfortable in and suits the occasion. By the way I still detest high heeled shoes- my theory is, it was invented by a woman hating fiend to make women suffer. Why else don't men have any of those painful "fashion fads"
I have a so vivid imagination that I think even Peter Pan would be envious of. It's kinda what drives me to write, I see the words come alive.
I love smiling, laughing and there are two people that even when I'm angry and close to livid still make me smile till it becomes a bubbling laugh in my stomach.
Ok that's the 7 things about me.
I pass on the honor of the award to
DNW
Jaceey
Tetekia
Till my dying day
YNC
Making Mrs Mauritz
Before I did
A girl's journey down the aisle
My Life (even if she's been away for too long)
Zoe
downtheAisle
Histiara
Hajel's Musings
d Unspoken: wRitten
So there you go, you are one of my versatile & stylish folks, yes you, if you are reading this right now, then yes I mean you :)
I'll be back to put up the links. I'm updating from my phone and I'm kinda technically challenged.
*FL - First Love :my code name for God

HisDarLyn 2011